Artist Unknown
Recently I shared some good news with someone closer than close to me. While they did express some joy (I guess) in the matter, they added in comments that felt negative. At first I wasn’t sure, but it bothered me. It bothered me because to me, while the news isn’t something like I won the multi-million dollar lotto or I scored an all expense paid trip to South Africa or Paris, I was giddy about it and I just knew for sure this person would share in that as well. Still, I let it go until another instance when other comments were said that felt negative. My blood boiled.
Two things happened.
1. When confronted by the person about my reaction I admitted that I was upset with them and why. Later on I asked that they leave me alone for a while until I had a moment to get over it. There was no way I could reasonably express my feelings at that point.
2. When the person didn’t back down and continued to pry I told them that their comments felt negative and they hurt. I asked them (by then my tone reached another pitch because I wasn’t allowed my “cool down” moment) to stop with the extra comments. They didn’t understand my request and retorted with other damaging comments.
It escalated quickly. Somewhere in the midst the person expressed that I should be much further in life than where I am. Oh really? The scene wasn’t pretty as I allowed the person to really get to me in the manner that they did. When I was finally able to have my cool down moment, the damage was done and I was left licking my wounds.
For a person in my position, it’s bad enough to hear certain things about your situation from those not even that close to you. What hurts more is when it comes from inside your pack, especially as your are on the verge of a breakthrough and positive things are rolling in. When the joy comes you want your insiders to drop their concerns and embrace the moment with you. Despite the burdens and heartaches of the situation, when the joy comes… you wanna grab it because for you (or as for me) the joys come in different waves and rolls of a tide. Yet, you have some that just don’t get that. They are blockers in your situation without even knowing it and it stings.
So how do you deal with this? Well for one please don’t go off the deep end like I did. I should have found my own exit after the person proved to be determined to be unmoved by my immediate requests. That cool down moment is soooo important. So yeah, if you find yourself boiling over for whatever reason go cool down. If the person isn’t budging after you ask them to please leave you alone, then make your own exit. Step outside with your cell phone to play a game or something. Anything to defuse the eruption going on inside of you.
Secondly, it’s not ANYONE’S place to tell you where you should or shouldn’t be in life. That’s not up to them. That’s between you and God (or wherever your higher, divine source comes from. For me it’s God.) How many times have people preached the message about timing and positioning? Did I not read DeVon Franklin’s book “Produced By Faith” and tell you how he hit right on the head about development, patience and integrity in life especially when going through a career transition? I need for people to stop pushing their agendas on others. It’s not healthy nor helping.
Most of the time when someone is being negative towards you it has nothing to do with you. For the person in my situation I know they are going through a LOT. They take on a LOT and sometimes when they are overwhelmed they take it out on others. Don’t we all though? It’s unfair and unhealthy and lately I’ve called them out on it. It’s hard not to take their actions so personal, especially when you recognize it has nothing to do with you, but when it starts to disturb your peace something has to give. Still, continue to show them love and dare I say support… regardless how they feel about you. Most of the time, this breaks them down. Hopefully, when they see this demonstrated from you it will cause them to look inward figure out how and where to change up their attitude.
I’ve never been the person to brag or make a big to do about having haters in my life. They are the last kind of people I want even on my radar. I would say I have folks in my life that mean well, and because of my current situation they want to help (and do) but there comes a point where their meaning well takes on another form; one that is controlling and aggressive. Compound that with their issues and it’s a molotov cocktail ready to go. All you can do is embrace people like that, pray for them and continue to walk the walk meant for you.
I love the affirmation that is said at the end of yoga class – “The light in me, honors the light in you. Namaste” – it’s a reminder about being respectful towards one another. Respect can go a long way.
Also, one of my favorite Bible verses comes from Philippians. It’s about growth and my reminder to have patience with my life and those around me. If you are going through a transition, pack your patience! You are going to need it!
“Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you.” Philippians 3:12:15 NIV.
Mahoganie: Musings East of the Anacostia River 
Ricky Butler
April 24, 2013
This is really great, I’m the same I try to help anyone & every one I want to help this girl in DC called Rammy Kouyate she is very talented & I think the world should see this, she would also be a inspiration to othere young kids in DC. I live in the UK but I will do every thing possible to help Rammy.