Great! So We’re All a Bunch of Whores

Posted on November 2, 2012


Today, DCist did a little blurb on my fair city and how it has more mistresses than Phoenix, but less than Los Angeles. Their blurb was based on a new study conducted by the online adultery site Ashley Madison, D.C. where it listed the top ten cities for women looking for married men. DC ranked number 2 as it came in with 33.8 percent, just under Los Angeles who ranked number 1 with 37.2 percent.  Apparently Ashley Madison’s founder and CEO Noel Biderman is not surprised by LA’s ranking.

“I was not surprised with these results since LA operates on an entirely different plane than most other major cities. Many women who live there have their sights set on other priorities besides just marriage and family, therefore pursuing a relationship with someone who already has a wife and kids suits their lifestyle perfectly,” says Biderman on Ashley Madison’s site. 

However, are we surprised by DC’s ranking? I’m not totally surprised only because I know about some of the freaky sneaky stuff that goes on in this city and its surrounding suburbs. You really don’t have to travel far to get a glimpse of how freaky we are in this city. The classifieds on Craigslist is an eye opener in itself. I won’t even mention how this area has a large swinging community (no I’m not a swinger).

Reading today’s blurb actually took me back a few years ago; something like 1998, 1999.  After living in the District for over sixty years, my grandmother went through a life transition that included a move to Old Town Alexandria, VA.  Her new home number turned out to be a recycled number that use to be belong to an escort service.  My grandmother, who isn’t technology savvy, had phones that were cordless yes, but also included a regular phone with its own voice MACHINE (tape and all). Each time she came home there were over 600 messages. Most of the time she didn’t even bother clearing them. So, whenever I came over I cleared the messages and yes I would listen to  each one.

It is accurate to say that 99 percent of the calls came from men who were repeat customers. Some requested a certain female and almost all of them left their hotel information. It’s unclear as to how many were married or not. The new clients were easy to tell. There was a nervousness in their voice and some flat out said they had no clue in what to “order.”  The females that called (that one percent) were potential escorts looking to be hired. Some would briefly run down their resume; an escort from another state and just relocated to the DC area, former dancer and a few stay at home moms looking to make extra money on the side but wanted complete discretion.

A few times when the phone rang I would answer. I would kindly tell the gentlemen that the escort service is no long in operation. Actually a few of them I scared away by yelling “Shelly Got Busted!”( I think Shelly was the “legal madam’s” name they were calling.)  Of course I don’t know what happened to “Shelly” and her escorts. As far as I know, having an escort service in Virginia is legal, but I could always tell when her clients were scared when I mentioned the “busted” bit. They would either abruptly hang up or say an expletive and then hang up. If I answered the phone and it was a female looking for a job, I would tell her that I’m the new girl and Shelly isn’t hiring any more.

It took months before my grandmother could receive a new number. The whole time I weeded out the escort messages from actually messages from family and friends.  It was a (non-paid) job, but actually it was pretty funny. To hear that Bob in room 510 of the Fairmont was expecting Cindy the strawberry blonde by six o’clock that evening and that he wanted her in a black dress and sheer stockings as she would be his “date” to his company dinner….welp…. that just made me chuckle.  What garnered a bigger chuckle, some guy staying at the Grand Hyatt downtown, a newbie, looking for a “date” and listed all of his dislikes from the physical appearance of his date to potential sexual play.

Hmmmm maybe that’s why Shelly was shut down, she was a prostitute business hiding behind the “escort” description.

So my fellow  Washingtonians….. do we want to do anything about the whores in our town? Wait I feel an obvious irony coming on… that being… matter if we are looking for married people or not for physical sexual pleasure… aren’t we still whoring ourselves our for something or another. If you aren’t. God Bless you.



Posted in: regular